Merry Christmas

Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long since I have updated my Blog but here is the newest news.

It has been nearly 3 months since I have been home from Sierra Leone Africa. It has been a tough task trying to get use to all of the happenings again. But I have persevered and come through it alive and well. Now the big question most of you want to know is “what I have been doing since I have been home?” Well here is the answer(s) to that question.

I have been job hunting, moving, and volunteering in my churches youth group as a leader for the kids. I really enjoying  being with the kids and helping them through trying times, or just even being a friend. One of my favorite times with the youth group was at youth convention. The convention had taken place on thanksgiving weekend, for three days in San Diego. It was an amazing time; the whole theme for the weekend  was‘I am’… (I am what? That is what we had to find out) I have seen a lot of the youth grow and change, and I was also able to share my testimony with the kids. Not many people have heard my testimony, but I had felt they needed to heat it.

Since being home I have shared many stories, and pictures. There are still a lot of stories I have not shared but would be more than happy to share them some time. If anyone ever wants to hear any of them feel free to ask.

(Back to this story though...)
 Those are just some of the minor things that have happened since being home. On December 8, 2011 I was taken to the ER. I had been sick for two weeks prior to this, with fevers every other night and extreme shivers. I thought this sickness would just ware off but instead it became progressively worse. On this night I was rushed to the ER after becoming lethargic at home, with a temperature of 104.2.
 At the time my family and I had thought I was just extremely dehydrated but sadly we had both been wrong.  I was taken to the ER and had a triage screening completed, within 5 minutes of the screening I was put into a bed. The nurse had come in and taken a full set of vitals and this is what they had found.

BP 42/22 and dropping.

Pulse 182-200 BPM

SPO2 84%

Temperature 101.0-104.2

Respirations 8-24   

I was not doing well at all; I was what we would call crashing in the medical field (I was dying in simple terms.). And that is not exaggerating; the doctors even said that to me….

I had never known what it had felt like to die; honestly I never wanted to know. But now I knew what it had felt like.  The feelings coursing through my brain had been all jumbled up but I could still recall what I was feeling.  I had the feeling of impending doom; I felt as if I could not make it any further in life. I was struggling. I had never felt a struggle like this ever. No energy, no power, weak, frantic and scared, what was happening to me? At the same time it was hard but I was trusting God in everything, praying constantly as well. I could not take my eyes off of the vital signs. Trying to sleep was not easy.. not just cause I could not but because it was hard for me to breath and retain a breath in my chest.  It was hard thinking “if I go to sleep will I ever wake up?” I was very scared and I do not get scared to easily. At 20 years of age this is the last thought I had wanted in my head.

I had many lovely people from my church come and visit me. With every visit was a prayer with every prayer was a silent cry inside me. But I was extremely grateful to have all of these amazing people in my life that care for me, people that love me. 

Heart failure was not all that I had, I also had malaria and pneumonia. None of which had anything to do with each other. They had all been separate happenings. Good news the malaria had stayed in my liver and did not progress to my spine or any other vital organs.

now “Why was I crashing? Why was I dying? What was happening? God answer me, Satan get far away from me” This is what I was saying over and over again. At one time I was yelling this to God. I was not angry at God I was more so angry cause I had this sickness.  And no one knew why I had heart failure I just wanted to know what was going on. I was helping those in need several months ago, and now I was the one in dire need.  I got the help I needed. But how did the people in Africa feel when they had something similar. That is all I could think of. During this whole time it has encouraged me to go back to Africa, and even continue on in school to get my doctorates. But I still have so many questions and only a few answers and still do.

I am what?

God saved me; God gave me life, God’s gift to me this year…. Life…

I am alive

I am strong

I am His

I am Loved

I am forever

I am grateful…

I am not dead…

God has given me so much more than I can ever ask for. God, Prayer, Faith that is how I am still alive.  Everything God does is for a reason and I can see that more and more in my life every day.

God is love…

And you and I are loved…

Merry Christmas, remember Christmas is about life and love not the gifts, so try and remember that this year while you are with family. Because you never know when life is over. Love…